Prepare thy Wallets- $5.50
You must try- Spicy Bratwurst


At 8.30am.

We’re standing outside Macs (you know the fastfood with the funny clown fella?), freezing our butts for laziersleepiergroggier slugs to arrive. Not particularly bright-eyed they come, with large enough eyebags to make tea.

Queen Victoria Market (QVM) holds a myriad of delicacies within her walls, from cheese to chooks, and nooks and crannies that surprise even the weekly market-goer. There’s much to engorge on for breakfast, and that was where we found ourselves…

At 8.50am.

It’s virtually impossible to find seats at QVM. Already many comfort themselves with a latte, hands wrapped around their cups, minds adrift and unwound. The simple life we all want to live…(yet cannot because of entities we call work, time and money)

But for those who aren’t as simply satisfied, there’s Colour of Earth (stall 97) and I-can’t-be-
stuffed-to-think-of-a-name-for-my-stall (stall 95). The former boasted Spicy Potato and Veggie Bolek ($2.50), which basically is a simple wrap. Although filling and tasty, it had too much pepper as seasoning so boohoo to whoever ate it. Tasted fine to me. Get over it. It’s $2.50 for elmo’s sake! (don’t ask why elmo. that was a random fragment of my wonky childhood).

Colour of Earth shoved out steamy cups of Pink Lady ($3.00) and Tirolian ($3.00) for us, both variants of the hot chocolate. Pink Lady- as you may guess- is strawberry flavoured, which proved to be a hit amongst the lesser sex group of the team. I, on the other hand, yet again, demonstrated an impeccable discernment towards my choice of drink- Tirolian. This cinnamon, white choc and choc chip mix had so much more character and body… Recommended for those with too big an ego for their own good.

What was thought to be a good choice, the Custard Croissant [left] ($2.30) from QVM Cake Shop was a shocker. It was cold, thick and had custard that tasted like plastic. One taster complained of too much custard, but personally I think that isn’t a problem. *shrugs* Apple Danish [right] ($2.00) was passable piece of pastry with a whole chunk of crunchy apple. Lack of tartness though.

A potential competitor would be Le Croissant des Halles (How the heck would you say that!?). The Closed Apple Slice ($2.50) was similar, but this one lacking crunch not tartness. So take your pick.

On the other hand the Apricot Custard Croissant ($2.50) was mind-blowingly awesome! Fresh puff pastry, injected with warm creamy custard, topped off with apricot and chocolate drizzle. Yumm…

Having mentioned thus far we have nothing but the best remaining- The Bratwurst Shop. Arguably the best in its business, this tidy burgeoning stall has much to offer. Served are the mild or spicy Bratwursts [some may know this as "hot dogs"] ($4.60 half $5.10 whole) with onion, cheese, sauerkraut, and sauce. As off it may sound, sauerkraut (fermented cabbage) is an excellent complement to Bratwursts because of its sour counterbalance. Described as crunchy, tender and juicy, their Bratwursts make the cut. Apparently, according to our chilli experts, ‘spicy’ is really ‘mild’ and ‘mild’ is like um, no kick. But generous toppings do add value to their worth.

A common combo of Ham, Sundried Tomato and Fresh Mozarella in Focaccia ($5.50) was discovered to lack ‘oomph’ as the bread remains crispy but under-toasted. Mozarella, while fresh and light, remained on the cold and unmelted side. (Nono. MUST BE MELTED- HAVE IT NO OTHER WAY- WILL NOT COMPROMISE). Perhaps half a minute more of toasting would have fleshed out the flavours of this fix.

~

Interview with Prashanth, humble worker ant of The Bratwurst Shop

TB: What time do you guys open?

P: Seven, but I come in at eight. *laughs and looks away*

TB: So, why do your Bratwursts taste so good?

P: Because everything’s made fresh every day.

TB: Do you have a favourite Bratwurst Prashanth?

P: Yup. Spicy, with mustard and onion. Da bomb.

TB: Which would you say would be the most economical Bratwurst?

P: The $4.20 whole, with sauerkraut, onion and mustard. (gasp we’ve been cheated!!!!)

TB: Finally, on a scale of 1-10, how would you rate The Bratwurst Shop?

P: If I say 10, I’ll be lying. But if I don’t then I’ll be fired! *laughs and looks back to see if any coworker heard him* Well, um, the food’s good and hygienically prepared. Eight lah.

Thank you Prashanth. As you can see, he is an example of a fine employee, whose political correctness is comparable to that of Miss Universe finalists and we’re sure he’ll do us proud at this year’s pageant.

Lesson Learnt: Haha. So much food. No wonder Queen so fat.

16/20 budds

Le Croissant des Halles
507 Elizabeth St
T 9328 4752
Website: Google it yourself (Queen Victoria Market Melbourne)

All stalls can be found in the Dairy Produce Section, QVM 3001. Good luck.