There’s just no telling what a door beholds these days – everything takes us into dark, damp corners each with their own little surprises ready to pounce on the unprepared or the narrow-minded. As humans we think we’ve seen the world, jaded. Used to the sights of mainstream society, but boy, is St Jerome an eyeopener.

Sneaky is the word to describe it. Everything about this place sneaks up onto right before you actually find yourself in it, and then it just hits you, hard.

Façade: a cosy little teashop

Counter area: distinctive retro styling

Verandah: Walls swamped with graffiti and an abandoned stereo set whose golden days are hard to put a finger on.

Go in and you’ll see what I mean.

Looks aside, the girls who take your orders giggle around, outrageously spouting lyrics to oldies, all with the unmistakable look of goth in their eyes.

I looked around, shit scared by their chutzpah, before finally agreeing on a flat white($2). This was marginally less robust than the one from No. 5, which I enjoyed less because of it’s strength. But I found the presentation of this drink unsatisfactory, because THE SWIRLS WERE SO MESSY! It just looked so low-grade, but nonetheless of the right consistency, for my taste anyway.

“Would you like a fri-AND?” she asks.

Friend? No thanks I’ve got one at the back, I thought.

“Hm what are they?” (points to a muffin-like thing)

“They’re friands, a bit like cheescake”

Wow. Friands ($3.50). They taste just like chocolate chip muffins, and turned out to be quite pleasant to eat. Generous chocolate chip, but again, sloppy presentation. The girl picked one up with her thongs (I wish) tongs and plonked them onto a plate, which I had to take to my table myself. They were, nevertheless, polite. Ok. Cheesecake my foot. TASTED NOTHING LIKE IT. Got me all excited for nothing. To think I was going to taste something as heavenly as cheesecake in what looked like a measly muffin which turned out to be just that, was so disappointing and NOT WORTH the money. IN spite of this, the point of consolation is I tried something I’ve never heard of before, so I guess there’s always new things to be jaded with.

But the major issue with this place, despite its interest, is that it attracts a mixed bag of people most would call weird, with piercings and outrageously dyed tones of shocking pink and electric blue. Smokers tend to frequent as well, which was quite off-putting for environmentalist me.

12/20